Stress Management Is As Simple As ABC

By Sandra Thebaud

Every stressful event has a beginning, a middle and an end. However, we are rarely aware of the middle part of this sequence. For example, let's say that you are running late for work and there is traffic on the road due to an accident. The beginning of this stressful event is the traffic and the end is your frustration, anger, worry,
etc. The middle part is your perception, self-talk or belief you have about this event.

Dr Albert Ellis, a prominent Psychologist, explains that stress is a matter of ABC. The A stands for Activating Event. The Activating Event can be anything from losing your keys to getting yelled at to bad weather. The B stands for Belief. We all have certain beliefs, or meanings, we attach to what happens to us. For example, some people believe in karma - what goes around comes around. Others think when something bad happens, it means they are cursed with bad luck. The C stands for Consequence. The consequence can be emotional, physical or mental. Some people are more prone to feel angry, depressed, anxious or apathetic. Others may drink more, eat more, sleep less, or procrastinate. While others may have difficulty concentrating, become forgetful, make more mistakes or be unable to stop thinking about their problems. When things happen to us, we jump from being aware of A, the Activating Event, and then C, the Consequence, without ever noticing B, our Belief about the Activating Event. What we really do not realize is that the consequence is really dependent on our belief and not the activating event.

For example, let's say that you have a presentation to make at work. The activating event (A) would be having to make the presentation. You hate making presentations and so you delay preparing for it, dread the upcoming date and hope that something will happen to the office so that you will not have to present. By the time the meeting starts, you feel anxious. You are sweating, your heart is pounding, you have difficulty remembering what you were going to say, and you look constipated. This is the consequence (C) of having to make this presentation. Did you recognize the belief (B)? The middle part of this sequence was your belief about the presentation. On the surface, your belief may be that the audience makes you nervous. If you explore your beliefs a little more, you may find that you believe the audience members will judge your presentation skills and find them lacking.

Let's say you have a co-worker who has to present right after you. They have the same activating event (A) but their consequence (C) is different. Their heart might race for the first few minutes but then they are comfortable and flowing smoothly through their PowerPoint slides. Same activating event (A), different consequence (C). Why is that? Because they have a different belief (B). Their belief is more along the lines of "They are here to get information that I have. It is not about me; it is about the information." This is a belief that naturally leads to a different consequence.

We blame the activating event for how we feel (the consequence) but two people can experience the same activating event and have very different consequences. Moving may be stressful to one person but not to another. Watching a horror movie may be stressful to one person but not to another. Presenting to a group of people may be stressful to one person but not to another. It is not the activating event that determines the consequence. It is the belief we have about the activating event that determines the consequence we experience.

We also do not realize that our belief (B) is completely under our control. You have the ability to change your beliefs. There is always self-talk going on in our minds. Maybe that is why we are so unaware of it. To listen to the constant self-talk going on in your mind would prevent you from participating in life. But every now and then we need to take a moment to listen to our self-talk. If you find that you are having negative self-talk or self-talk that is unproductive, you can choose to think a different thought.

This is the key to reducing your stress. If you find yourself having a negative consequence (C), pay attention to your self-talk and your beliefs (B) about the activating event (A). Then change your thoughts. This is why stress management is as simple as ABC.

This article was adapted from a chapter in The Art of Loving Life by Sandra Thebaud, Ph.D.

Sandra Thebaud, Ph.D. is the author of The Art of Loving Life. She is also a Psychologist, former Navy Lieutenant Commander, Stress Management expert and founder of Paramount Transitions. Request a Proposal to see if stress management training could work for your organization. You can also follow Dr. Thebaud on Twitter (@sandrathebaud) and Facebook (/ArtOfLovingLife) for free tips.

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