Finding the Motivation to Change

By Kelly Gutowski

You have decided that you want something to change in your life. You may have even set a goal

for this positive change. But where do you get the motivation to achieve your goal? Many times fear is a motivator behind the decisions we make. The body has a 'fight or flight' response that protects us, which explains why fear can be such a powerful motivator in the first place. Using fear as a motivator can prevent us from making the positive change we desire in our lives. But what if we could turn this motivator of fear into motivating change from a place of respect? If a person makes all of their decisions based on respect for his or herself, it would be likely that these decisions would be healthy.

Creating your own motivation out of self respect comes from knowing that you deserve to have positive change in your life. Here are some examples:

Jenny is in an unhealthy relationship. She has been emotionally and physically abused and is staying in the relationship so that she can keep the family unit together for her kids.

What is Jenny's motivator? She fears that if she leaves her abuser that it will be harmful to her children. This poses the question: Are her children being harmed more by staying in a relationship where they see and feel the tension and abuse? Is this teaching the children how to have a healthy relationship? If Jenny changes her motivator to respect, look to see how the example could change:

Jenny is in an unhealthy relationship. She has been emotionally and physically abused. Jenny is respecting herself by only entering into healthy relationships as an example for her children. Jenny has decided to end the unhealthy relationship.

John has a dream of going back to school to become a nurse after 15 years of working as a server in a restaurant, which he hates. He has always wanted to be a nurse, but his thought was "I will never be able to do it. I don't think I can pass the classes." With this thought, fear is motivating him to stay in a job he does not like.

In changing the motivation to self respect, John's thought becomes "I am worthy of positive change and I can achieve my dreams." He enrolls in school and graduates with his degree in nursing.

Sarah has always struggled with her weight. From a motivator of fear, she thinks that "I am fat, I cannot lose weight." If Sarah changed her motivation to come from a place of self respect, her new thought could be: "I choose to love myself for who I am and deserve to live a healthy lifestyle." Sarah decides to join a weight loss program and a gym to help her on her path to a healthy lifestyle.

Ben has a problem with alcohol use. From a motivator of fear, he thinks, "I don't have a problem; besides I could not quit even if I tried." If Ben changed his motivator to: "My drinking is affecting my health, my family, and my job. I want to respect myself and the people I care about by getting sober." With this change in thinking, Ben seeks counseling and starts attending Alcohol Anonymous support groups.

Finding the motivation to change is easier than you think. By changing how you think, you can look past the fear to tap into respecting the fact that you do deserve the positive change desire in your life!

Learn about ways to create the positive change you desire in your life by visiting http://www.opendoorscounselingaz.com or calling Open Doors Counseling, Coaching and Consulting at 602-499-9952. Kelly Gutowski, LCSW is a Psychotherapist and CEO of Open Doors Counseling, Coaching and Consulting located in Phoenix, Arizona. Excepts from this article are from the E-Book 'Opening Doors to A Better Life: 10 Simple Tips and Worksheets to Help You Start Your Journey' by Kelly Gutowski, LCSW, and is available at http://www.opendoorscounselingaz.com.

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